Telling Loved Ones "It's Cancer"



After hearing the news that I had cancer, I was faced with telling my family.

Has a loved one every told you they had cancer? Do you remember your feelings? Or have you had to tell your friends and family about a cancer diagnosis?

I was in a state of shock when I left the doctors office and remember trying to phone family to get support. Today as I write this, I can't remember who it was I tried calling first; my sweetie, my sister, my son or daughter. I'm not sure.  I do know that in the end, my mother was the only one home to take my call.  How does a mother take the words that her child has cancer? Not very well! She did her best to be calm while she was on the phone with me, but I was told that she spent the rest of the day curled up in a ball crying.

When I arrived home, my sweetie (new name for not-husband), was outside with our dogs. I told him the news and we hugged for a long time. Sweeties mom passed away from a female cancer when she was just 41 years old and he was 18. Although he has never shown his fear, I'm sure there is a part of him that can't believe someone he loves is dealing with cancer again.

Telling my children was also very hard. My daughter Molly has had a fear her entire life of losing me. It is the over-riding fear of her life. So you can imagine what it was like for me to know this and have to tell her I now had a disease that could possibly take my life. We "facetime" quite often and I chose this mode of communication to tell her. She took the news like a champion and has remained a champion throughout. My son, has had his own brush with death in the form of a heart attack. He is  ex-military (army ranger), ex-police officer, and was once called by an Army Sgt. "The toughest mamma's boy he had ever met". He was very positive with me, telling me "No quitting, keep fighting", and "You can do this".

My sister Patti, did not take the news well and went into mama mode researching holistic means of healing, and coddling me as only she can do. Love you Patti. My sister Karen, and my brothers were told the news via other family members so I don't know first hand their immediate reaction, but they have all been extremely supportive and loving to me. I could not ask for a better family.

Then came the friends!! Ahhh! There were just three that I felt the need to tell in person. Karen, Caryn, and 'my person'. The two Karen/Caryn's, were not new to cancer. We had lost our friend 'Karen' (yes there had been 3 Karen's) to breast cancer in 2004. The last thing I wanted to do was tell them I had cancer. Karen, was out of the country on vacation, so it would be a week or more before she would find out. Caryn came over to my house immediately upon hearing to offer hugs of support. 'My person' was going through her own trials at the time, but showed extreme courage in putting on a good face and being there for me.

This is a note I wrote that day:
April 21, 2016
Today I was diagnosed with cancer.
Hmmm
Was not in my vocabulary.
Taken off guard.
Scared.
Want it out.
Trusting I can heal.
I believe all will work out.
Thank you God.

I chose to use an oncology/gynecology group out of  Baystate Hospital  and the D'amour Cancer Center in Springfield, Mass. Although it was further away than Berkshire Medical Center in Pittsfield, Mass., I had become familiar with Springfield through graduate school and had also heard very positive comments on the hospital. Tomorrow I will introduce you to my oncologist and surgeon, Dr. Nada Kawar.